Globster Bitch


12'' x 12''


Throughout nautical history there have been reports of amorphous blobs circulating about in the great ocean convection, regurgitated onto sandy shores, freaking people out all over planet Earth. Commonly known as globsters, these ambiguous creatures are so mysterious and disgusting that their very existence is shrouded in controversy and conspiracy.

While globsters had previously been known only to those deep in the annals of cryptozoology, the coasts of Oregon, Washington, and, to a lesser extent, California have seen globster reports dramatically increase, giving the creature a new audience. It has been speculated that this uptick is due to massive amounts of radioactive material pouring into the sea after the meltdown at the Fukushima nuclear facility in Japan following a massive earthquake and tsunami in 2011. Government officials continue to downplay the scope of the radioactive disaster and its effects on sea life, just like they always do. Given the state of the Earth’s oceans, cryptozoologists have hypothesized that globster sightings will continue to increase as the ocean acidification begins to break down larger sea mammals and crustaceans into radioactive, pulsing, mutated, mush.

Globsters lack bones and have no distinguishing structure, eyes or other identifying features. There is almost always a foul and unpleasant odor in their presence. Modern day globsters almost always have bits of plastic protruding out of their Jell-O like bodies, like some kind of fucked octopus with a shell made of LEGOS. There have been reports of globster sightings at dusk which glowed in phosphoresce, though there is some controversy if this is from radioactivity or the phytoplankton feeding off the glob. The overwhelming sense of impending doom experienced by observers is, however, indisputable.